Hello boys and gals, I do apologise for my drunken ramblings last saturday, but alas that is the nature of the beast when you know me.The reason I update this evening is that im on my way to have a few drink with a friend, and i am curious as to how it will go. The goal is to not get drunk, seeing as the last segments rules forbid any weekday drinking that directly interferes with work. Then again, who gives a fuck, I push around a faggy washcloth for 3 1/2 hours, its not brainsurgery. The bar we're going to happens the be one that i've slit my lip in once, and also thrown up in on several occasions, leading to a friendly but strained relations with the staff.
Here's where im getting to the point of the update, so don't shit your pants in anticipation. You see, beeing a drunk leads to a lot of events in your life that would not normally happen to other people. Most of them has happened to me. If any of these ring a bell, then yes, you are a drunk.
1. Beeing chased by a angry pimp.
2. Passing out on the toilet while taking a shit and vomiting.
3. Pissing yourself on several occasions.
4. Yelling at jews out a hotel window, while menacingly shaking a jægermeister bottle.
5. Passing out in you mothers bathroom. Naked.
6. Barking at an angry torpedo's pitbull.
7. When most holidays turn into a hangover endurance test.
8. At least one minor/medium injury a year, attributed to drunken falling.
9. At least one embarrasingly bad attempt to pick up a female every 3 months.
10. Hitting on your friends sisters.
BTW, these are signs of a person beeing a drunk, not an alcoholic. You see, drunks just drink too much among friends and other people, and so a lot of wierd and wild things happens becasue most drunk are socially uncomfortable at heart. Drunks generally don't drink alone, they do it to make hanging out with other people more bearable, and also makes it easier to get laid.
In order to end this shitty segment ill end with a quote from my favorite drunk, Doug Stanhope; "If your'e a drunk? Good, just learn to be a fun drunk. Have another shot. Rummie, hahahaha"
